


wherever that takes you

by Mars_and_Moon



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Coming Out, Everybody Lives, F/M, Fix-It, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Non Binary Stanley Uris, Other, Stanley Uris-centric, The Losers Club Are Moron's But They're Moron's Together, really just four thousand words smashed together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25513744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mars_and_Moon/pseuds/Mars_and_Moon
Summary: The process of asking for pronouns, twenty seven years later.The process of also killing a clown, twenty seven years later.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	wherever that takes you

**Author's Note:**

> i've been writing this for ten months please accept my self indulgence

Here's the thing: Stan came out. It took time, and therapy, and about nine different panic attacks, but Stan came out. They like being out, nobody in the office cares enough about each other to be that bothered by it, and the last time somebody said shit he got the full force of Patricia Blum Uris. 

So, Stan came out. Did the whole pronouns thing. Did the “not a man, not a woman, still a human being” speech. Patty is great about it, she loves them. Let them steal her jackets. Was the first person to watch them fail at applying lipstick. 

They're out. They're happy. They're in love with their wife. They have a stable job, and Patty goes birdwatching with them on Tuesdays. She bought them a fun floral skirt two weeks ago, it's great. 

But then Mike fucking Hanlon called. Stan has nothing against Mike. From what they can remember, Mike is great. But they know what the phone call is really about. 

It.

Pennywise.

Derry. 

"You'll be there, Stan the man?" Mike asks. It's been over twenty years since somebody called them that, and it hits them that they can't remember the last time somebody called them a man. 

They choke out a yes, and they hang up immediately after. Stan tugs on the shirt they are wearing, it suddenly feels wrong. Patty--beautiful, kind, understanding Patty--sees them panicking. She never demands an answer from them, but Stan always tells her. 

Stan thinks about the razors in the bathroom. Thinks about the whiskey in the cabinet, wonders if it would feel like falling asleep or if it would hurt under their last breath. They think about Patty, and how she keeps throwing them concerned looks as the two of them eat dinner. They think about Pennywise, and the scars on their face. The lady in the painting. The feeling of wrongness that followed them around most of their life, a feeling they couldn't name until they could.

Stan books a flight. Throws whatever clothes their hands touch in a suitcase, tells Patty they'll be fine, they just have to do something. They'll be in Maine for a little bit, a childhood thing. She tries to go with them, and the thought of It beginning anywhere near her makes Stan want to scratch up their arms like they did in college. 

_No_ , they say. It comes out harsh, and they hate it. But they say no, and she seems to understand. They panic the whole drive to the airport, they panic the entire plane ride. Stan panics, it's what they do. The phone call from Mike plays on a loop in their mind. _Stan the Man_ , it made their skin crawl, the same way it crawls when somebody calls them Sir. It feels wrong, and bad, and why are they panicking more about asking for pronouns than about the clown? 

  
  


The restaurant they meet at is one that wasn't there when all of them were kids. Stan hardly remembers getting off the plane, or really anything since the phone call. 

They pick at the nailpolish they have on during the taxi ride. Robin's egg blue. They pick at it so much there's practically none left by the time they actually reached the restaurant. A thought crosses their mind that they did it on purpose, and that's something for therapy. Stan is the last one to arrive, they hadn't changed out of the sweater they stole from Patty, and they are really beginning to wish they had taken the bath route. They could've explained that, Patty would listen, she'd be kind. 

This is Derry, it didn't have a place for thirteen-year-old Stan, who could handle being called 'boy'. This place definitely doesn't have a place for forty-year-old Stan, with the skirts and nailpolish and lipgloss. 

Six pairs of eyes turned to look at them when they showed up outside the restaurant. Stan takes in each of them quickly. They notice Beverly's quickly covered bruises, Mike's tiredness, Bill's confused face. Richie's eyes literally widen upon seeing them. 

_Family,_ they think suddenly. _This is my family. These_ people who they only remember from blurry memories, they're family. Stan doesn't know what to say, so they laugh awkwardly and wave. Everyone is looking at them like they've seen a ghost. 

Richie breaks the silence, practically shouting: "You're alive?" 

"I should fucking think so," Stan says. They have no idea where that comes from. "Hello to you too, asshole.' 

Mike looks at them suspiciously, "Are you sure you're not a trick by Pennywise. Like we go to hug you and you try to eat us?" 

Beverly pulls them into a hug anyways, and they remember how she always had the best hugs. Always tight enough, always loving enough, practically perfect. 

"This is the last time we listen to that stupid ass clown," she mumbles into their neck. 

Stan is confused as hell, but they let the other five pull them into hugs. Bill glances down at their nails, there's still flecks of polish, he looks away and says nothing. They want him to ask, start the conversation because they want to but have no idea how to. 

Richie is talking about something, and gestures at Stan. He, him, the man, man, he. It's worse than the lady in the painting, it makes them nauseous. They want to say something, but they don't know how to bring it up, and Mike starts talking about killing Pennywise. Richie tries to leave, Eddie almost follows. But at the end of the night the seven of them are sitting in the bar-room of the inn, listening to Mike talk about a ritual that should finally kill It once and for all. 

Beverly pulls out a cigarette, and keeps staring at Stan like she can’t believe they’re here. Ben notices too and calls her out on it. 

“I saw you die,” she mutters, taking a long drag of the cigarette. “I’ve seen all of us die, but you were always first. Slit wrist in the--”

“Bathtub,” they finish for her. Their mind supplies the word _deadlights_ as explanation, and they see Mike mouth the word too. “I thought about it,” they say. “But I got on the plane.” 

Eddie doesn’t take well to the news, he starts pacing around the room. “When you say you saw Stan slit his--” 

Stan is pulling at the sleeve of their sweater when--“Slit _their_.”

It takes a few seconds to process, but when they do they realize that is not what they wanted to say. They didn’t want to say anything, they’ll have to explain everything now and that takes time and energy. It’s just become so ingrained in their head to correct pronouns, that they just do it subconsciously. Still, it’s been awhile since they’ve had to do that.

Everybody stops, and turns to look at them. Great. 

Stan clears their throat, and starts refusing to make eye contact. “It’d be, uh. It’d be, Stan wanted to slit _their_ wrist. I’m non-binary. I use they/them pronouns.” 

Nobody says anything for a minute, Stan holds their breath. For some reason this reminds them of the time they told Patty. They are waiting for an answer, and praying they don’t lose somebody important to them. Stan starts to just...fill the silence. 

“I know it’s a bit weird, but I’d really appreciate it if you used them? It's just I spent a long time trying to come to terms with it, so just. If you could try? I understand if you mess up, you’re used to referring to me has ‘he’, but. Just. Yeah.”

Everyone is just staring at them, and they’re starting to think they shouldn’t have said anything, they put up with it in grocery stores, and coffee shops. They can deal for three days, they shouldn’t have said anything because now they’re a freak and _Derry has no place for them, they should have just slit their wrists when they had the fucking chance._

Richie clears his throat. “...So you're not Stan the _man_ then?”

Beverly tries to subtly kick him, but it’s so blatantly obvious that it just makes it worse. “Unless they’re comfortable with that nickname, no they are not Stan the man.” 

Ben has a soft smile on his face when he says, “I guess, uh. My name’s Ben, and I use he/him pronouns? I’m also asexual, if there’s any relevance in that.”

“Beverly. I use she/her. Girls are hot, guys are hot. I don’t really care.”

“B-Bill. He/H-him pronouns. S-same boat as B-Bev.” 

Mike talks slowly, testing the words. “Mike. I use...he/him? I think, not totally sure how this works? I’d like to blame the fact that Derry is a shitty town with zero acceptance towards anything. Ever. Also, I like books. That’s really it.”

“Eddie. He/him pronouns…” he trails off for a second, then blurts out, “I don’t actually love my wife.” 

That is a can of worms that nobody really wants to open when six out of the seven people are drunk, and Eddie looks like he wants to actually melt into the floor. So the six of them just, turn away and focus on Richie who immediately tries to nope out of the situation. 

“I have no fucking clue what a pronoun is.” Eddie throws him a look. “But hey, my name is Richie trashmouth Tozier. ” 

Maybe it's the whiskey, but Stan bursts into laughter. Full blown, clutching their stomach, laughter. They can't remember the last time they laughed like this. The other six are giving them concerned looks, but Stan can't bring themselves to care. 

_Family_ , Stan thinks for the second time. _These people are my family._

Eventually they choked out: "I'm Stan not the man Uris. They/them pronouns, and I just really love my wife." 

Their laughter trails off, and there is something so right about being here, in a shitty inn, with shitty booze, and family. Bev is still giving them a concerned look, and Mike is watching from the perspective of somebody who hasn't whole since '89, and it's the same feeling every one of them has had since they left Derry. 

They clear their throat, and a feeling spreads throughout their body, but for once it's not fear. It's bravery. "Let's kill this fucking clown." 

About halfway to Its lair, Stan realizes they've completely lost their mind. Not because they dropped everything because they had a vague memory of a promise they made twenty-seven years ago. But because they took Patty's sweater into the sewers, and now it's forever going to remind them of this hellish experience. They really fucking like this sweater.

Their therapist--a lovely, yet stern woman named Maeve-- would probably say they’re avoiding thinking about the subject that is actually causing them stress. Stan does that a lot, they avoid, but sometimes it’s easier to think about that then the fact that about six minutes ago an invisible knife was trying to carve up Ben, and that something happened to Richie but he’s refusing to say what it was. Stan has a few guesses, if the short glances at Eddie mean anything--and if there’s one thing Stan remembers about Richie it’s that those glances mean everything. 

So yeah, sorry Maeve, but they really don’t want to think about all of that bullshit. So they will walk through this very gross grey water, and think about how they like the sweater they’re wearing, and how after all of this is over they are going to bully Richie into admitting his feelings. Because right now, they really need to. 

By the time the seven of them reach the creepy lair, Stan once again realizes they’ve completely lost their mind. Because this entire thing is fucking crazy, but then the seven of them are throwing the tokens in the fire--and Stan remembers what most of them mean--and they are chanting. Stan doesn’t register the words, they just chant so they can get the fuck out of here. 

For a few seconds it seems like it works, until all of them realize it most certainly did not work, and now they are running for their lives, and Stan has never once been more grateful that Patty said they should start going for daily runs a few years back, because they fucking run. 

And then they’re alone, in a place they don’t quite remember seeing, but the feeling it gives them is something that they know well. They have been here before, automatically their hand reaches for the scars on their face. 

“Stanley…” a voice whispers. It sounds unnatural, inhumane, and other synonyms that they can't think of. It makes Stan’s skin crawl. "I was so excited when you showed up. I thought for sure you couldn’t cut it.”

Nope. That's all they have to say in this situation. Nope. No thanks, creepy child eating clown. Do not reference Stan's thoughts of suicide, that is between them and Maeve, and sometimes Patty. 

"Stanley...do you really think people care about you?" The voice is getting louder. "Stanley...do you really think everyone is okay being friends with a freak? Stanley...do you really think you are anything more than a scared little boy--" 

"First of all, I'm not a fucking boy," Stan snaps. "And I'm not a freak, and yes, people care about me." 

The voice falters for a second, as if It didn't count on Stan fighting back. They are frozen to the spot, and not by their own free will, but like hell will they stand here and get misgendered by a stupid-ass clown. Not today. 

"Stanley." Can demonic and/or alien clowns sound smug? Because It sounds smug. "I hate to be the one to tell you, but you are a boy."

Their dad said that, years ago. It was a big thing, and Stan never thought being forced to study the Torah would come in handy, but watching their father have to admit that even his religion was backing them up, it felt better then it should have. The voice tried to speak again, but Stan quickly cut it off.

"As my wife would say, get the fuck out of here with your gender roles." They tried to move, but still couldn't. Panic was starting to build, they really hated being alone, and the voice had gone silent. All there was in the room was breathing, and their heart beating in their ears. 

They take a deep breath, count to ten, and with a surge of confidence they start shouting. "And another thing, interdimensional sewer clown. Stop using my trauma against me! Why can't you just come and eat me, huh? Why do I have to be afraid for you to eat me, why can't you just go for it instead of being a _dumbass coward_!" 

They don't want to die, but their fear has been replaced by pure anger. Anger at themself, anger at their father, anger at Pennywise, anger at Derry for being a fucking hellhole that never let them explore who they are and instead made them feel guilty. Some anger at Mike, for uprooting their life and making them remember all the trauma they had enjoyed living without; and lying about the ritual. Stan can't remember being this angry. 

They can finally move, and they fucking book it. They just run, and they have exactly zero plan except for running as far as they can. Put enough distance between that transphobic clown and Stanley. They keep running, and they focus on the ache in their legs, and their lungs gasping for more air then they're being given. 

They re-enter the creepy layer, and the scene they enter upon is highly confusing and Stan very much wants to ask questions. Like, why is Richie in the air? Why is Bev covered in what looks like blood? Why is Pennywise a fucking spider-clown hybrid? These are highly pressing questions that they would like answered! 

They start running towards Richie, their mind once again supplying the word deadlights as an explanation, but they don't really care what it's called because the thing has Richie and Stan is refusing to have Richie be floating around all blank faced. That is now a crime. Before they even reach Richie, their focus is snapped towards Eddie, who for some unknown reason had started screaming profanities, and then threw something at It. 

Richie then started falling from nine stories in the air, and Stan was once again running towards him. Eddie reached him first, and managed to keep him from hitting the ground, almost being crushed in the process but a small, "I'm fine!" could be heard. Eddie was holding Richie up, and looked about three seconds away from trying to slap him; which means that neither of them saw Pennywise was very alive, and very pissed. 

Stan, however, did. And while Eddie was focused entirely on Richie and trying to wake him up--and they have a joke about how Bev got woken up that was less a joke and more a helpful fact--and didn't notice the claw coming down at him, Stan managed to move quicker than that clown. Which leads to the three of them in a strange pile, Richie still all eyes rolled back, Eddie looking scared for nine different reasons, and Stan breathing heavy. 

Bill managed to make his way over to the group without alerting It, and helped Eddie drag Richie to the very not hidden hiding spot, a place where the ground was tilted so it gave them enough to set Richie down, and lean him against the wall. Stan heard Pennywise running around, but they shook it off. Eddie had yet to let go of Richie, he's still shaking him. 

"Kiss him!" Stan blurts out. "That's how Ben got Bev to come back." 

Eddie got a very shocked look on his face, and started stuttering out how that wouldn't work, how that could have just been a fluke. Currently, Stan is not in the mood for any of this, they'd like to kill a clown and make sure Richie doesn't die. So they put their hand over Eddie's mouth, and give him a very strong look. The message was very clear. 

If Stan silently cheered when Eddie shuffled closer to kiss Richie, that is their business. If they let out a breath when Richie actually opened his eyes, that was also their business. Richie looked beyond surprised that Eddie was kissing him, and it would be funny in any other situation. 

Richie blinked a few times. "Uh." 

Before anyone could say anything, a large claw started hitting things very close to the group. Stan was ready to nope out of this situation, they wanted to go home, they wanted to shove Richie towards Eddie and tell him to stop being a fucking idiot and ask the guy out. Their anger was back with a vengeance. 

"Can you fuck off for three seconds you fucking clown!" They get looks from everyone else, but fuck they are just so angry. They want all of this to be over, preferably now. But then Mike's face lights up, well, as much as it can considering the circumstances. 

"It has to obey the laws of the creature it inhabits!" Mike shouts suddenly. Okay, that makes sense. But currently it is a spider-lobster-clown, so are there really any laws for that? 

Beverly voiced this opinion, and Mike pauses before giving Stan a look. "Why do you keep shouting at a It?" 

"I don't know. Anger?" They know that's a lie, but they really don't want to talk about how they've had to spend their whole life defending their gender and a clown isn't allowed to be a bitch to them about it. Mike seems to pick up on the fact that Stan left something out, he opens his mouth to say something but Stan gives him a withering look. 

"We need to make it small," Mike says. "And there's more than one way to make someone small." 

The six of them give him a look, causing Mike to let out a small sigh. "You can make somebody small without actions. Think about Bower's; his actions made us feel small, but his words made us feel tiny." 

Richie raised his hand, before bluntly saying, "That's stretching it a bit, Michael."

"W-w-what other c-choice do we have?" Bill whispered, because apparently he's the only one that remembers there is a fucking sewer clown. _Bless him,_ Stan thinks, _for being a voice of reason this time around_. 

Bless him, because Stan stands up from the hiding place and starts to shout profanities. "Hey motherfucker! Where'd you buy the wig, a dollar store? You look like shit!" 

Richie is the next to stand up, and he begins to shout: "Was it dark when you put on that bullshit makeup? I've seen ravers with less makeup on!" 

"You're just a clown! And not even a good one!" 

"Bully!" 

"Clown!"

"Like I said earlier: why do we have to be afraid for you to eat us? Because you're too much of a coward, too much a clown. Get out of here with your shit!" 

Slowly but surely, each insult causes It to shrink down. Mike, at the front of their group, is shouting the quietest out of all of them, but from what Stan could hear, it was horrible. Bill is standing next to him, shouting loud. Bev and Ben are on the other side, holding hands. Richie, Eddie, and Stan make up their group. With Richie insulting It's clown makeup, Stan calling It out for being a transphobic piece of shit, and Eddie getting really into his rant about It being a dumbass clown. Stan is pretty sure they hear him say something about being a coward and a sloppy bitch. 

The seven of them rip out It's heart, and watch the thing turn to dust.

Making their way out of the sewer is a challenge in itself. Eddie definitely broke a bone, causing Richie to practically end up dragging him out. They all look busted up, but if anyone took a closer look they would see the undeniable joy on all their faces. Winning against a sewer clown does that, Stan supposes. But, that’s not quite all of it. The seven of them are together again, without the threat of death hanging over all of their heads. The family is back together.

It seems only natural to Stan that the seven of them find themselves in the Barrens , jumping into the cold water that’s certainly filled with some disease or another. But Stan feels safe, safer then they have in a long time. Later, they’ll call Patty and she will be on the next flight to Maine. Later, the losers will all be camped out in Bill’s room. Later, they’ll all deal with the trauma. 

For now, Stan and their friends celebrate finally being home.

**Author's Note:**

> note; i'm not jewish but i did some research about it. the reference the Stan's religion backing them up is about how there are more then two genders referenced in the Torah
> 
> feel free to shout in the comments!!!


End file.
